As a grown-up, summer vacation loses some of its meaning, but the Pavlovian effect of the last bell on the last day of school is a feeling that I will never shake.  It is excitement in one of it’s purest form.  Between playing street hockey and going to the local lake nearly everyday, I spent virtually every moment of my summer outside.  Even in high school when all my other friends were getting crappy retail jobs at the mall, I became a lifeguard at the lake where I spent all that time as a kid just to stay outdoors.  If your summertime good times are relegated to Saturday and Sunday, that’s OK.  Make the most of your weekends with today’s Testimony:  The Get-Out Playlist!     

< Brand New Key, Melanie (1971)

Roller skating is a perfect summer activity.  Retro is in, and you would definetly look hot rolling down the boardwalk in tube socks.  Even those who prefer standard kicks over wheels can appreciate “Brand New Key.”  It’s quirky and sweet, and a little bit sassy.  I especially dig the line “don’t go to fast, but I go pretty far.”  
     

Ice Cream Man, Van Halen (1978)

I miss ice cream trucks.  You heard that music down the street (usually “Turkey in the Straw” or” The Entertainer”) and it was a race against the clock.  You had one, maybe two minutes to scrounge up the .75 for some candy or a Popsicle, but if you wanted the Pink Panther or Ninja Turtle you probably had to ask for more money.  At that point it was decision time; take the scraps of change you found and try to get some Lemonheads, or risk missing the truck all together by asking mom to give you some cash while she is on the phone.  If you chose the latter, a crazed game of charades began-mom waving you away angrily, you pantomiming the need for a quarter.  She never really understood the urgency involved, meanwhile you are jumping up and down mouthing “come oooooooon!”  ”Ice Cream Man,” which is a cover of an old John Brim song, is most definitely not about ice cream.  Best I can tell, it’s about a mobile gigolo service with satisfaction guaranteed.  Innuendo aside, this is a fantastic blues-based rock song, perfectly suited for sucking on popsicles in summer ( I couldn’t put all innuendo aside, it’s David Lee Roth, after all).

Nightswimming, R.E.M. (1993)   

Night swimming is one of the best summertime activities ever invented.  If you haven’t tried it, I am making that your summer homework assignment.  When I was about 6, my dad would take my sister and I to the community pool at night.  It was exhilarating to swim in the dark, and we almost always had the pool to ourselves.  I remember floating on my back and looking up at the stars.  When I let my ears go underwater, all the sounds around me would be muffled and it felt like I was really floating in space.  It was utterly magical.  The simple arrangement and instrumentation of “Nightswimming” really captures the nostalgic feeling of summers as a kid.  The lyrics are artful, and describe the feeling of night swimming better than I was able to, so kudos to Michael Stipe for that. 

Bicycle Race, Queen (1978)

What can I say about Queen that I haven’t already?  They are extraordinary and so is this song.  Bicycling is a wonderful summertime activity, except for right now in the Valley, where it is 106 degrees.  That’s way too effing hot.  So, why not hang out inside and enjoy the modern convenience of air conditioning and have your very own sock puppet sing-a-long.  That’s what I did with a few friends 3 years ago; a Queen sock puppet sing-a-long.  We rocked out with our socks out, and the attached video is a direct result.

Trackster and friend Dave Tibbs of Pop Pyschology Radio, recently posted an adorable little meme claiming that his favorite new bands were his favorite old bands.

“So true, so true,” I thought to myself.

While I do mix  new tunes with older ones, I felt it might be refreshing to bust out of my retro comfort zone and feature a few more contemporary songs that I have been listening to and loving.

Michael Kiwanuka, I’ll Get Along,  (2012)

Michael Kiwanuka expertly blends folk and soul on his album Coming Home, which is great start to finish. It is packed with gorgeous melodies and soulful vocals that leave it hard not to make the comparison to Otis Redding. The lightness of “I’ll Get Along” makes for delightful summer listening. The flutes give it an old school flair that pairs perfectly with the catchy and easy-to-sing-along -to hook.

Nancy From Now On, Father John Misty (2012)

Father John Misty, formerly Fleet Foxes, creates a lovely piece of psychedelic indie-pop with “Nancy From Now On.” It’s dreamy and dark and self-deprecating, and I love it.

Unaware, Allen Stone (2012)

I gotta give props to my mom for turning me on to this guy.  That falsetto is delicious, and I want to spread it all over my toast. I’ve  been pouring over YouTube videos of Allen’s live performances and am consistently blown away, however something gets lost in production when it comes to his albums.  Save the money on the album and buy a ticket for his show.

Jack and White, Telephone Line (feat. Fitz) (2012)

Jack and White cover one of my very favorite ELO songs on their EP Undercover, which features one cover from every decade beginning with the 60′s. I was skeptical when I first heard that J&W had chosen this as their 70′s cover song, ELO is a tough act to stand up to. The way they simplify the original arrangement works great, though, and the harmonies already present in much of Jeff Lynn’s music plays to their strengths.  Other standouts on this album include a better-than-the-original version of “How’s It Gonna Be” by Third Eye Blind and a great cover of “Tighten Up” by the Black Keys.

Maybe it was the “My So Called Life” marathon I watched while folding an Everest-sized pile of laundry, but lately I have been compelled to turn the musical dial back in time to the 90′s.  As a member of the graduating class of ’96, I landed smack in the middle of the flannel and overall-wearing, swing dancing revival and what I consider to be the Golden Age of Hip-Hop.

The disturbing reality is that the 90′s were much longer ago than I’d like to think.  I keep getting older, but the 90′s seem to perpetually be only a mere 10 years ago, give or take.  Join me on this journey to relive my youth on this first day of summer with a Totally 90′s Summer Playlist, or what KROQ refers to as their ”Flashback Lunch.” (Ouch.)

Since 4TT has been absent for so many weeks, I broke my self-imposed rules and have brought you a bonus 5th track today…Enjoy!

I Wish, Skee-Lo (1995)

Hip-Hop and barbecuing are an unrivaled pair, like Cheerios and bananas or gin and juice. These freshy-fresh rhymes are for the dreamers out there…
 

Surf  Wax America, Weezer (1994)

Weezer was a summertime staple on the way to the beach in my boyfriend’s VW bus, longboards in the back.  Ya, I thought I was pretty hot shit, but that’s the fun of being 16. ”Surf Wax America” is defiant, catchy and loud; a musical teenage trifecta. The Blue Album basically played non-stop for the entirety of ’95 on any speaker I could find. 

Santa Monica, Everclear (1995)

I played the crap out of this cassette, rolling around in my Nissan Z, t-tops down…again, feeling like hot shit. I never hung out in Santa Monica, but the escapism in the lyrics worked just as well on the beaches of South Orange County.
   

Dance Wid Me, Hepcat (1993)

Swing music wasn’t the only genre that enjoyed a comeback in the 90′s, Ska came back full force too. I first discovered Ska while admiring really cute boy who had a raging six-pack and was into the Ska scene.  He wore a blazer and a skinny black tie to school everyday.  Naturally, I became ska-obsessed as well. This strategy did not pay off with a date, but I did learn about bands like the Hepcats, who’s old school Ska purism is perfect for summer.

Santeria, Sublime (1997)

A 90′s summer isn’t complete with out a little Sublime.  Interesting/disturbing personal connection: during the Dot Com boom/housing crunch circa 2000 in SF, I spent a week living in a motel on Ocean Beach.  It was the very same motel where lead singer Bradley Nowell was found dead of a drug overdose.  I discovered this fact several years later after watching a VH1 Behind the Music. Will rock stars ever learn?

One day, many years ago, a magician came to my preschool.  Just before he was about to pull a rabbit out of his hat, or whatever, he asked all us kids to help him by shouting “The Magic Word.”  We all shouted “Pleeeeeeeease!!” much to the delight of our parents.  The magician told us that please was a very good magic word, but he had another one in mind.  He was, of course, referring to “abracadabra,” but I think we were right. 

At the risk of sounding old, it feels to me as if we could stand to be more courteous to each other.  My personal philosophy is that each and every day, my actions can either make being here on Earth a little more pleasant, or a little more shitty.  I choose the former.  I smile at strangers, hold open doors for people, and when I see a shopping cart blocking a parking space I take it to the front of the store with me.  I’m not going to win the Nobel Peace Prize with these small gestures, but I think it makes navigating the world a bit nicer for all of us.

Now, off my soapbox and onto the music.  Please enjoy! 

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want, The Smiths (1984)

My husband likes to replace all Smiths’ lyrics with the word “whine.”  I hate to admit it, because I love the Smith’s, but it is pretty funny.  That being said, this is a gorgeous song.  “Please, Please, Please…” is full of beautiful desperation tinted with a hesitant hopefulness.  My only complaint about this song is that it is too short.  I’m left hanging every time I hear it and consequently end up hitting the repeat button.  Maybe that’s the point though, we are left to wonder if Morrissey ever got what he wanted in the end.

Please, Selah Sue (feat. Cee-Lo Green) (2010)

Wow! Where did this little Belgian bite of soul come from?  Apparently she’s been around for a couple years now, and I regret that I didn’t find her sooner.  “Please” is as smooth and funky as Speculoos, aka Biscoff Spread, another Belgian delight that I am in love with.  I have obviously been underestimating the awesomeness of Belgium.
 

Can You Please Crawl Out Your Window, Bob Dylan (1965)

There is a lot of discussion about what this song means, if it has any particular meaning at all, but then Dylan has always been good at building puzzles.  Some say it’s about tempting a woman into an affair, and I guess if you are asking a woman for that kind of favor you should say please.  The talented musicians backing Bob were known as The Hawks, that is before they became The Band and recorded a few hits of their own.

Please Don’t Go Girl, New Kids on the Block (1988)

I know, I know, but I had to.  NKOTB was my very first concert.  This is little Joey McEntyre’s big moment, though it’s always disturbing to hear a child whose voice hasn’t changed yet singing about the complexity of love.  You also have to give props to Jordan Knight for his mad falsetto, really.  This song is chock-full of all sorts of manipulative stunts to induce swoons among pre-teen girls.  An impassioned narrative, oh-so-sensitive lyrics and the occasional whisper.  It’s a good thing I saw them at an outdoor amphitheater.  If we had been indoors, the collective gasps of all us little girls might have depleted the oxygen to disastrously low levels.

Hi there Tracksters…

Soooo, I’ve been a bit distant lately and I’m sorry for that.  I have missed you terribly and my ego hopes that some of you at least noticed my absence.  This past month I have been faced with the realness of how quickly and dramatically life can change.  It’s been difficult even to find solace in music, which is something I never thought possible. On top of the sudden loss of a dear friend, Ken Phebus, whom I wrote about earlier,  I am having to say goodbye to a dear companion.  And all of this is mixed up with the joy of welcoming a new life into the world.

It’s time to get cathartic, share my joy and pain, get reaquainted with music and get really personal. 

Annie’s Having A Baby, The Midnighters (1954)

First things first: A new Trackster is on the way.  That’s right Anne (that’s me) is having a baby!  12 weeks along and everything is going swimmingly, aside from the total exhaustion I have  felt for the past 3-4 weeks.  I was fortunate enough to avoid morning sickness but the fatigue made finding the motivation to do anything besides sit and watch The Price is Right damn-near impossible.  Maybe the total reality of the situation has not sunk in yet, but the thing I am most anxious about is the notion of my belly button turning inside out.  No offense to the outties out there, but I like my innie and would like to keep it that way.  Plus, it seems like that would hurt.  I suppose there are other painful aspects of having a baby that I should be more concerned about, but this is where my head’ s at at the moment.  The other major decision to be made is not what to name the baby, but rather what the first song I want my baby to hear is once he/she arrives.  Some Chopin?  Stevie Wonder? The Beatles, George Harrison or John Lennon?  It’s an important issue and all suggestions are welcome.  (I turned off “comments” due to the ridiculous amount of spam, but post your thoughts on the 4TT facebook page.)

 

Whip It, Devo (1980)

The greatest contributing factor to my absenteeism was the heart-sickening news that my soul-companion/adventure-buddy/more-than-just-a-dog, Devo, has an aggressive form of Lymphoma and that our days are very limited.  The good news is she feels great right now.  In fact, you can’t even tell that she is sick, and due to the nature of this type of cancer she will feel mostly that way until the day comes to say goodbye. 

Devo, aka Nubbie

When I first met Devo, the Whippet-Mix (get it?), she was a super-skinny, hyper-active stray that found her way into my life at a time when both of us needed some love and affection.  She needed physical saving and I needed emotional rescue.  Originally, she was adopted by my roomates who neglected to give her the exercise and discipline she needed.  I grew fed up with the jumping (She would literally hurdle the couch.  Repeatedly.) and running (imagine a crazed-out, bugged-eyed dog pulling high-speed donuts in the living room), so I took matters into my own hands.

A Young Devo Using Her Instincts

I would take Devo to Montara Beach early in the morning when no one else was there.  With the exception of a staircase, the beach was  enclosed by cliffs but was long and sandy.  I didn’t have to worry that she didn’t come when I called her name, the point was to let her exhaust herself, then she would become putty in my amateur dog-training hands.  Whippets are akin to Greyhounds, and watching Devo run at full speed was a sight to behold.  She would scream down that beach, Cheetah-like, stretching her back, all fours off the ground.  It’s been a few years since she’s been able to hit that fifth gear, but seeing her run is still one of my favorite things. 

Run Devo, Run!

Naturally, we bonded through this whole experiment, and whether my roommates- Devo’s original adopted parents- liked it or not, Devo and I developed a closeness that has only grown stronger over the past 10 years.  The caring and affection shared between Devo and I paved the way for my heart to heal, and I truly believe that without her I wouldn’t have been open to receiving the love of the man I met 9 months later-the man who eventually became my husband.  Devo is usually the focus of much attention at any social gathering,  and made lots of friends at Choices Oakland, a program that supported adults with developmental disabilities, with numerous birthday party appearances and one Halloween spent dressed as Mr. T.  She even had an honorary position at a stationary company called Hello!Lucky, where she gained a reputation for her mad staring contest skills and the ability to fall asleep standing up.

Devo and her Dad, or Portrait of Man and Dog

There is no pet more packed with personality, no face more expressive, and no unconditional love comparable to what Devo has delivered into my life.  Had she not come into my life, there would have been an unnamed emptiness, and when the times comes for her to leave, there will be a hole that will only heal with time and the knowledge that having given love to, and received love from this little doggie, both of our lives were richer. 

Devo – Whip It by Dan_of_the_Land
 

Forgive the Two Track Testimony this week, they are two pretty poignant ones though and I’m emotionally drained.  I’ll be back next week with a full four tracks for your listening pleasure.  Also, if you got what it takes to come up with a Four Track Guestimony (and I know you do) get in touch with me at 4tracktestimony@gmail.com.

This Saturday, a new batch of music legends will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland.  I have chosen four of my favorites to showcase here, but you can check out the whole list by clicking this link.

Barabajagal, Donovan (1969)

You know I loves me some Donovan.  I’m shocked it has taken so long to get him into the Hall of Fame, to be honest.  I dig his sound and it’s about time.  Barabajagal is groovadelic deliciousness.  I would spread it on toast if I could.  It’s also contains a good narrative, though if you want to hear my very favorite narrative, from Donovan or anyone, check out The Art of the Narrative post.

Sabotoge, Beastie Boys (1994)

Great band, great video, and so many moustaches!  The Beastie Boys know how to have a good time, and have been having good times across 3 decades now.  I wrote about them back in my Free Samples post, and they really are geniuses when it comes to mixing and matching songs and creating something entirely new.

Beastie Boys – Sabotage by hushhush112

 Big Legged Woman, Freddie King (1972)

A “big legged woman in a short, short mini skirt” goes perfectly with that super-fly collar on Freddie’s shirt.  ”The Texas Cannonball” was one of the first people to have an integrated band back when that sort of thing was frowned upon in some circles, and is named as an influence by Eric Clapton, Jerry Garcia and Stevie Ray Vaughn to name a few.  Freddie was touring around 300 days a year and to save time while setting up shows he was known to drink Bloody Mary’s in lieu of eating.  This most certainly contributed to his death from pancreatitis and complications from stomach ulcers at the age of 42.

Please Please Please, The Flames (1956)

Before James Brown was the Godfather of Soul, he was a Famous Flame.  Actually, they started out as The Flames, then later became James Brown and his Famous Flames.  Even as James embarked on his solo career, he kept the Flames as his back-up.  This year there are a number of “back-up” bands getting inducted; The Crickets of Buddy Holly fame and The Miracles, Smokey Robinson’s band, to name a couple.  I’m glad they are getting their due, ’cause it takes more than a pretty face and some sweet dance moves to sound great.

Ken Phebus photo credit: OC Soundcheck

This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to write.  And I do have to write it, because it’s something people should read.  Ken Phebus, a dear family friend and concert promoter passed away last Saturday night, and left a hole that is unfillable.

Ken has been part of my life for the last 20 years, give or take, when he started booking the summer concert series at Lake Mission Viejo.  His talent buying skills go far beyond my relationship with him, however.  Ben Wener, of the OC Register wrote an in-depth article about his influence on the Orange County music scene.  It’s an interesting read that explains just how far Ken’s reach went in the business.  You can read it here: http://soundcheck.ocregister.com/2012/04/09/veteran-o-c-concert-promoter-ken-phebus-dies/91911/

Aside from his dedication to bring a legitimate music scene to a place sometimes thought of as devoid of culture, Ken was one of the sweetest people I have ever met.  His smile was infectious, and his compassion, especially for those with four legs and fur, knew no limit.  There was no stray unworthy of his attention.  Aside from all of his human friends and loved ones, I know my dog Devo and several kitties that will sorely miss his presence and affection.

There are many kindnesses that Ken extended to me over the years.  One was box seats, front and center, for Queen with Paul Rogers at the Hollywood Bowl, which was beyond epic.  He has also been a big supporter of my writing career, and that kind of support and encouragement is hard to come by.  I never told him how much it meant to me, and now I’ll always wish I had.

His friendship has meant a great deal to my family, and summers will never be the same. 

All trends are cyclical, and beards are no different. From Vikings to hippies to indie rockers, beards have been around the block a few times. With Jerry Garcia,  all of the Beatles at one time or another, CCR and so many others, this was a much harder topic to pair down than I initially anticipated.  I feel I have well represented beards across both time and genre, but what do you think?  I may also have to visit the natural spin-off to this topic in a future week: Moustachioed Music. 

Here are your four Best Beards in the Business, organized by beard length…enjoy!

You Are the Best Thing, Ray LaMontagne (2008)

I am in indie-beard heaven with this guy.  That grovely voice is so good, and the way he can mix soul and folk with the occasional country/bluegrass sound?  Delightful.

Piano Concerto No. 2 in G minor, Op. 22, Camille Saint-Saens (1868)

The second longest beard on this list, but my favorite bearded classical composer overall.  His Piano Concerto No. 2 is dark and haunting, and beautifully heartbreaking. Sorry about the ad at the beginning of the video, I try to avoid that sort of thing, but this recording is a very old and rare, featuring Saint-Saens-a virtuoso himsself-playing the piece.

Shaved Off His Beard, The Beards (2012)

These guys are the Tenacious D of beards.  They have three albums in which every single song is about beards-they are serious about thier facial hair and have some pretty strong opinions about men without beards as well.  They also have some really strong opinions about Kings of Leon, listen up at the 2:26 mark of “Shaved Off His Beard.”  I feel obligated to point out the dude on the left and his total dedication to his tambourine playing.  As a recent tambourine enthusiast, I can totally get behind it.     The take home message from this song though:  beards make you invincible.  Beards!

La Grange, ZZ Top (1973)

ZZ Top has the best beards in the business, no contest.  While this video doesn’t have the best sound quality going for it, what it does have is excellent footage of said beards billowing in the breeze.  I can sum up ZZ Top in four “B” words: beards, blues, broads, and boozin’.  They are a southern rock classic.

Last week I was feeling kinda sorry for myself.  It doesn’t matter why, so much as the fact that we all have moments like that.  My general M.O. when I’m feeling sorry for myself is to serve it with a generous side of guilt.  Who am I to be sad when there are so many who struggle every day?  Then my dad told me “it’s OK to feel a little sorry for yourself.”  This resulted in an immediate stream of tears.  Something about recieving permission to let go made all the difference.  Now I am giving all of you permission to do the same the next time you face a really bad day.  Everyone experiences struggle and hardship on some level, and it’s OK to to be upset about it.  Just make sure to reaffirm all the things that have gone right for you-without any guilt attached.

So, here is your Pity Party Playlist; four songs about crying for your personal indulgement.

Tears for Affairs, Camera Obscura (2006)

Camera Obscura is a dreamy little band that I have loved for a few years now.  Starting with the second time through the chorus, there is a really sweet call-and-response between the “dumpee” and the “dumper,” resulting in a discussion about the awkwardness of eye contact etc.  I’m so glad to be happily married so I  don’t have to go through any of that again.  There is beauty in pain, but I’m over that kind. 

Crying, Roy Orbison (1961)

This is the auditory embodiment of heartbreak.  “Crying” is one of the most beautifully crafted songs ever written.   The  lyrics are simple but true and the structure of the song, along with Roy’s voice, build up a beautiful tension that rolls over me like the waves emotion that come with a grieving heart.
 

96 Tears, ? and the Mysterians (1966) 

Sweet psychedelic organ hook+evil revenge plot=gold.  “96 Tears” is the ultimate self indulgent heartbreak revenge fantasy.  This song provides proof that struggle and hardship are excellent motivators for success: so you can rub it in the faces of the people who treated you like crap before you made it.

A Tear in My Beer, Hank Williams (1950-recorded, 1989-released)

Hank Williams is the master of simplicity.  There is nothing complicated about the song structure or lyrics and there doesn’t need to be.  While relationships can be complicated, heartache is not. 

There have always been duets, but the 80′s took them to a whole new level.  It was a decade chock-full of unexpected pairings, some of which have become epic, others epic fails.  Who would have thought Paul McCartney’s collaborations with Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson could have gone so wrong?  But I digress.   Here are four of my favorite 80′s duets, in no particular order.

Up Where We Belong, Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes (1982)

This, to me, is the epitome of 80′s duets, what with the odd pairing of singers and grand lyrics.  This certainly wasn’t the first or last song to symbolically use imagery of flight (think “Wind Beneath My Wings”, “Fly Like an Eagle,” “Broken Wings” etc.), but it’s my favorite.

Close My Eyes Forever, Lita FOrd and Ozzie Ozborne ()

The Prince of Darkness and the Queen of Rock together in one bad ass ballad!  There are studs and leather as well as big hair all over this video, in true 80′s form. 

 

Endless Love, Lionel Richie and Diana Ross (1981)

It wasn’t a week ago that a complete stranger caught me singing this at the grocery store.  Both parts.  And just like Lionel says, “oooh, you know I don’t mind,” and I didn’t.  I didn’t care that I got totally busted.  I seriously love this song.  Like, so much.

Leather and Lace, Stevie Nicks and Don Henley (1981)

This duet falls away from the corny-factor present in the three songs listed above.  It’s just beautiful.

There is a lot of saxophone out there that I can live without.  The smooth jazz stylings of Kenny G come to mind, as do many sax solos of the 80′s (think Sade’s Smooth Operator).  What I can get with though, is some dirty, gritty, growling sax.  I am fairly certain that “dirty sax” is not a technical term, but in my estimation of things it is the perfect description.

One Step Beyond, Madness (1979 )

“One Step Beyond” is a song built for the sole purpose of showing off just how dirty you can get with your sax.  And as always, bonus points for the narrative intro and spoken word chorus throughout.

Comanche, The Revels (1964)

This may be the very dirtiest of all dirty sax songs.  Thanks to Quentin Terrantino, I imagine that men the world over involuntarily tighten their butt cheeks when they hear this song (remember “Bring out the gimp?”). 

Mess Around, Ray Charles (1957)

What a great song, also associated with a classic movie scene.  John Candy does some wicked air-piano and air-sax in Planes, Trains and Automobiles while this song is playing, nearly careening off the road several times in the process.  I dig the call and response between Ray and the sax, pure genius.

Jam Up, Tommy Ridgley (1954)

 ”Jam Up” is classic Atlantic Rhythm and Blues.  I dig that this is an instrumental with nothing but some “yeah man’s” and “ain’t it good’s” from Tommy.  I’ve been trying to listen really hard, and I think there are at least 3 saxes, maybe four in this song, making most definitely the dirtiest, saxiest song on the list.

P.S. This song is worth a listen with better sound quality.  You can find it on the 4TT Dirty Sax Playlist  on Spotify along with all the other 4TT playlists.

Hey Tracksters!

Jack and White, my new favorite indie duo, sent me a video to share with you all.  It is a dreamy stripped down version of their song “Voices” off of thier EP Winter, available on itunes.  You can also check out their song “Double Trouble” on my “Recently Added” playlist. 

Today’s Testimony features songs inspyred by secret agents on the big screen.  There is a very specific type of music associated with spy movies.  The best spy themes have a smoldering tension to them, a sneaky charm if you will, not unlike the Spy of Spies, James Bond (Sean Connery’s portrayal, of course).  Here are four tunes that draw from, or were used in spy movies.  Enjoy!

My Mind Set Me Free Pt. 1, House Guests (1971)

Can you dig it!?  Your “Mission: Impossible”, should you choose to accept it, is to not get The Nods while listening to this song.  In my ever expanding quest for Soul music I found this gem, and if my mind hadn’t been blown, I suppose it would have been set free.

James Bond Theme, Skatalites (1998)

Ska and spy movie music wouldn’t have been something I thought would mix all, but that would make me wrong.  The Skatalites add their own jazzy touch to the James Bond Theme, horns and all.

 Soul Bossa Nova, Quincy Jones and his Orchestra (1962)

I tried watching a James Bond movie once and realized early on that I was not in the targeted dempgraphic.  Rather, I watched my then-boyfriend practically drool in front of the screen, wishing to be everything that Bond was.  Gross.  Austin Powers, though, I can get with that.  A goofy comedy with an equally silly theme song is right up my alley.
 

Millennium, Robbie Williams (1998)

My favorite boy band reject (he was fired, more or less, from Take That) samples “You Only Live Twice,” from the 007 film of the same name.  “Millennium” is a little showy and tries a little too hard, but I’ve also just defined Robbie Williams, basically.  I dig this song; it’s catchy and goes to show that a well chosen sample coupled with a distinctive and timely hook works every time. 

Hello Tracksters, it’s good to be back!

With President’s Day this past week, I got to thinking about titles.  Not song titles, but the kind of title that you are given; as in Sir/Dame, Captain, Esquire, etc.  Then I realized there are numerous songs about folks with fancy titles.  Bowie’s ”Major Tom” (used in the 4TT Outer Space Playlist), The Beatles’ “Sun King” and “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band,” along with classics like “Duke of Earl” by Gene Chandler are some better known examples, but here are a few you may not be so familiar with.  You can also find some of the songs that almost made the list here.  

Dear Mr. President, Fitz and the Tantrums (2010)

A great song from a great band.  Fitz and the Tantrums will be at Coachella this year, but rather than brave the brutal desert, I will be keeping an eye on the music scene in LA in between the now two-weekend event.  Guaranteed most of the bands will be trying to fill up dates then, and I plan on taking full advantage.

Ballad of Sir Frankie Crisp (Let it Roll), George Harrison (1970)

This is one of my favorite songs off the bafflingly beautiful All Things Must Pass album.  After a very little bit of research I discovered that George Harrison lived in a home once owned by Sir Francis Crisp.  There were a number of phrases engraved around the home by Sir Frankie, which  inspired Harrison not just on this song, but several others as well.

King Heroin, James Brown (1971)

Public service announcement from James Brown?  Sure, why not?  With all those amazing rhymes it’s as if Shell Silverstein wrote a poem called ”Where the Sidewalk Ends Under the Over Pass.”  Interestingly enough, this song was based on a poem by a man whose daughter had just died from a heroin overdose, then set to music by Brown.  Some even consider this song to be a forerunner of rap, given the narrative style.  The message is what’s most important though:  stay off the smack!

Generals and Majors, XTC (1980)

It’s two for one titles with this one!  XTC wrote an unexpectedly cheerful anti-war song, as in “Generals and majors always seem so unhappy unless they got a war.” 

Hello Lovers!

Today you are in for a very special Valentine’s Day treat. Dear friend and slow jam expert Mateo Munoz has put together four of the most romantical songs from the golden age of slow jams, the 90′s. It all started last summer, with myself, Mateo and a few other Tracksters (shout outs to Alex, Thom, and Ashish) enjoying the pleasantness of a late night buzz on the heels of a day at the beach. I don’t remember what the catalyst was, maybe the sound of the crashing waves combined with the consumption of alcohol, but Mateo busted out with the slow jams. He serenaded us to the tune of Boyz II Men, K-Ci and JoJo, All 4 One and so many others.
His impassioned performance not only had me doubled over in laughter, covering my mouth in an attempt not to wake the other houseguests, but I was also thouroghly impressed. I knew immediatley that his gift needed to be shared. So here it is, without further ado. Please to enjoy Mateo Munoz’s Sexy Slow Jams!

Happy Valentine's Day from 4TT

MM:  Happy Valentine’s Day to all you hopeless romantics, and especially my special someone.

When it’s freezing cold in the dead of winter, there’s nothing like a little bump and grind R&B and that special someone to heat up the night.  In my mind the only thing that could make it hotter would be a shag polar bear rug and a fire, but we don’t want to burn down the house with this Valentine’s 4TT.  There are a lot of good artists out there that can get the romantic furnace going, but nobody does bump and grind R&B like the boy bands of the 90′s, so if you need a little something to warm up your February 14th, bump these jams and melt the night away.

 If I Ever Fall In Love Again, Shai (1992)

MM: V-day is all about that special someone not because they are sexy and you know it but because they’re your best friend. Shai hits it out of the park with this one acapella style. If this song doesn’t stir up some lust to make love in your partners mind, I don’t know what will.

4TT: In a world filled with songs about bitches and hoes, it’s nice to know that you can turn on a slow jam and hear how to treat a lady right delivered in perfect harmony.
 

I’ll Make Love To You,  Boyz  II Men (1994)

MM: What can I say about this one, but classic!  Yes, I am proud to admit as a 30 year old straight man that Boyz II Men was my first concert ever.  No one does romance like the Boyz from Philly.  They probably deserve a 4TT of their own, but this scorcher will have to represent for them in this one.

4TT: The Slow Jam of Slow Jams, for certain.  The song structure is not unlike the act it describes in the title: it builds up, climaxing in a dramatic key change, then fades out into a tender cuddle.  And you know Boyz II Men will still be there in the morning, probably making you pancakes.

Knockin’ Da Boots, H-Town (1993)

MM: Did knockin’ da boots even ever exist before H-Town?  I mean the term, not the act–get your minds out of the gutter people.  This song not only popularized this now well known term, but heated up some high school and middle school dances throughout the 90′s.  Nothing like dropping this track to get that late V-Day magic going…

4TT: Oooh look!  A slow jam narrative!  You know I loves me some spoken word within a song.  I also can’t stop laughing about Mateo’s comment regarding school dances.  I don’t know one guy who doesn’t have a story about a dance with a girl turning into a very exciting/potentially mortifying moment, if you know what I mean, wink wink. 

Last Night, Az Yet (1996)

MM: So you got the flowers, had the perfect dinner, the chocolate covered strawberries, a bed full of roses and hopefully your night climaxed with that perfect moment, whatever it may have been.  This is the perfect song to heat up the moment or keep the fire burning by letting your Valentine know that they take you to places you never thought you you’d go when you are sharing their warm embrace.

 4TT:  There are a few essential elements to a slow jam, and “Last Night” epitomizes all of them, but in particular, the art of speaking very literally about the act of sex.  Seriously, make sure you give a good listen to the lyrics.   I can’t decide if it’s gross, or if I am more sexually repressed than I realized.  Either way I still love it.

4TT will be back in a couple weeks with a very special Valentine’s Day edition not to be missed.  In the meantime I will be spending some quality time with an almost-done side project.  See you in two weeks!

Though they span 3 decades, here are four songs I’ve been listening to lately.  It’s a decidedly summery list for the middle of winter.  I wonder if the recent 80 degree temps in LA this week had anything to with that?

Double Down, The Sound Defects (2004)

“Double Down” is a great instrumental by a band I wish I had known about years ago.  But The Sound Defects aren’t actually a band at all.  They are “high quality beat providers.”  They lay down the sound, then you (we) spread it around.  If you aren’t sure where to start, The Sound Defects have some helpful suggestions for how to use thier beats; such as using them to rap over and “making your little sister dance.”  I’m thinking these guys are the Booker T and the MG’s of the new millenium.  “Double Down” is boss, and that’s all there is to it.

Locals Only, Dom Kennedy (2011)

I’ve mentioned this enough that I should have written a 4TT about it already, but this is a great “nod your head with a serious look on your face” song.  In all seriousness though, I love the lyrics of “Locals Only.”  Starting with sending respect, Dom thanks Run DMC for the inspiration and the Lord for 2Pac.  He goes on to talk about practicing and writing, and being ready to jump on an opportunity the moment it appears.  I think he landed it. Cut to 55sec. into the video if you want to go straight to the song.

 

Carnival, The Cardigans (1995)

The Cardigans were a part of a small movement in the 90′s attempting to resurrect and pay homage to the groovy 60′s along with bands like Deee-Lite.  I didn’t pay much attention to them in the 90′s, aside from getting really sick of hearing “Lovefool,” plus I was too busy pretending to love ska to get the attention of a boy.  Now, though, I’m all about their dreamy pseudo-psychedelic sounds. 

 

(Can’t Live Without Your) Love and Affection, Nelson (1990)

Say what you will about this song, then go off and sing along like you know you want to.  Plus, like Beavis and Butthead said, “those chicks are hot.”

Music enhances most any experience, hence the soundtracks discussed last week.  This week rather than look at music as another way to communicate a certain feeling, it will be the catalyst for the very mood change itself.  That’s right, music is about to make chores feel like less of a drag. 

Mama, He Treats Your Daughter Mean, Ruth Brown (1952)

Sit down and get your pencils out, Ruth Brown is about to school you with her greatness.  It’s a little sadistic doing dishes and listening to this song, but it’s kinda sexy too.  That’s what I like about it.  I like to channel my inner pin-up girl, put on an apron and sing the blues while I scrub.  “Makes me squeeze him, still my squeeze don’t please him?”  That’s some racy stuff.  “Mama…” is a blues song for women, and can’t we all relate to staying together with some dick for some unexplainable reason?  Maybe the key is just that (avert your eyes dad)- dick.  Anyhow, I cried a million tears to my mom over men so, I feel ya Ruth.  
P.S. I have a new tambourine idol.
 

Torture, King Khan and the Shrines (2008)

The title has an obvious literal  correlation to doing chores, unless you are The Other 1% (those who actually enjoy cleaning, ew), but “Torture” has a fast enough tempo and rough enough groove that you will be able to power through even the most hardcore grime. 

Livin’ on a Prayer, Bon Jovi (1986)

I’m about to give  you what will turn out to be the best tool in your cleaning arsenal that you never knew you needed:  The Rock Anthem.  It’s a variation on the “Whistle While You Work” theory.  Belt out some Bon Jovi, and before you know it your potty is spic and span!  You could use any rock anthem you like, but the working-class/down on your luck theme in “Living on a Prayer” is a particularly nice pairing. 

 You Make My Dreams, Hall & Oates (1981)

How do you mentally escape from the mundane task of [insert most-hated chore here]?  That’s right-with a pure unadulterated pop miracle!  Tell me that you didn’t get at least 15% happier the moment you heard this song begin.  Though this song will improve your mood while performing any chore, I specifically recommend sweeping or mopping.  This is a “Shake Your Ass While Using the Broom as a Mic” song, for sure.

Mayer Hawthorne, photo cred. Rochelle Rached

Last night I was fortunate enough to go see Mayer Hawthorne at a private show being taped for Live from the Artist’s Den on PBS.  It was fantastic.  The nearly non-stop touring has honed Mayer Hawthorne & the County into one of the best shows out there.

And let’s talk about the County for a moment.  This band turns coal into diamonds they are so tight.  They also look cool as hell from head (the bass player has some serious hair) to toe (matching red and silver high-tops).  But it was Quincy McCrae on the keys that really caught my eye.  I studied classical piano for over ten years so I know a little about this: he wailed on the keys. And he looked hot doing it; I found myself peeking past Mayer to watch him.

Bassist Joe Abrams: Serious Hair

That is until Mayer’s falsetto pulled me back.  You know how in cartoons when someone smells a pie baking and there’s that smoke-hand thing that kinda pulls them right to the pie?  His voice is like that.  He started the song ”No Strings,” and I could have sworn when he was singing about brushing that angel off my shoulder that he was actually talking about my shoulder.  Me and all the other screaming girls within a 4 foot radius (but it was totally to me).  Mayer is a music lover as well as a performer and always slips in ways to pay homage to his favorites; including nods to Curtis Blow’s “The Breaks” (featured in 4TT’s Hand Claps), as well as Hall & Oates in the form of a “Private Eyes” cover. 

Hawthorne also gave a really sweet thank you to PBS, aknowledging  such high-quality programming as Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood (to which the WAY too drink guy screamed “won’t you be my neighbor!” WAY too loudly) and one of my personal favorites, 3-2-1 Contact ( please see super-awesome intro below).

Mayer Hawthorne & the County are in good company, and will be featured along with the likes of Adele, Kid Rock and Death Cab for Cutie on this season’s Live from the Artist’s Den which begins this February.

Among “serious” music people, I am a song-obsessed minority in a world of album lovers.  A great album is certainly a thing of beauty and I have my favorites, but when it comes right down to it I’ve always been a mixtape kinda girl. So it should come as no surprise that I am into soundtracks. What is a soundtrack if not a mixtape of perfect songs matched with up the perfect moment? Narrowing this Testimony down to just four songs was really hard. I know I say that all the time, but it’s true. I posted some of the hardest cuts on the 4TT Facebook page.  Stop by and post your favorites too, because sharing is fun.

Side Note: I’m not sure how many sensitive Tracksters are out there, but I feel compelled to mention that there are adult themes going on in a couple of these clips, so if illicit drug use and graphic mob violence aren’t your thing, you may want to skip the videos for “Perfect Day” and “Danny Boy.”

A Quick One While He’s Away, The Who (1966) from Rushmore

Music Supervisor, Randall Poster

Wes Anderson can weave a song into his movies so seamlessly that it feels as if they were written specifically for that scene.  Or maybe the song inspired the scene?  In any case, you can’t go wrong with a Wes Anderson soundtrack.   Rushmore blew my mind musically and also forged a life-long love between me and Jason Schwartzman, aka Max Fischer.  “A Quick One While He’s Away” suits the revenge scene perfectly, and I encourage you to listen to the full version of the song.  It’s a three-part, 8 minute epic, and worth every second.

Perfect Day , Lou Reed (1972) from Trainspotting

Music Supervisor, ??

You know you chose the perfect song for your movie when the song can no longer be heard without being associated to said film.  Appropriatley enough, I think “Perfect Day” might be the most perfect scene/song combo on the list.  It has been suggested that Lou Reed, in fact, wrote the song about his own heroin addiction.  It’s an intense and beautifully crafted scene, music included.

Danny Boy, Frank Patterson (1988) from Millers Crossing

Music Editor, Todd Kasow

Can’t a man relax with the paper and cigar in his own damn house anymore?  This scene is so bad-ass.  My husband and I pull this DVD out, just to watch this scene, quite regularly.  It only takes one stirring rendition of “Danny Boy” for Leo to restore order in his own home and finish off a good ol’ fashioned mob drive-by.  He is not a man to be fucked with, obviously.  I had a hard time finding the year this was recorded, and I just couldn’t believe that it was a current recording until I read on Frank Patterson’s website that he was actually invited to record “Danny Boy” specifically for Miller’s Crossing.  That is serious commitment to a perfect soundtrack.

 

Hotel California, Gipsy Kings (1988)  from The Big Lebowski

Music Archivist, T-Bone Burnett

Let’s end on a lighter note, shall we? I always knew that something from The Big Lebowski would make it onto this list, the problem was which song?  Ultimately I decided to let my heart guide me, and it brought me straight to the arms of Jesus.  The scene introducing Jesus Quintana is one that sticks with you- with the slow-mo and long pinky nail- it’s a lot to take in.  I am repulsed and aroused at the same time, which is exactly why “Hotel California” is perfect in this scene.  It’s an Eagles song-who according to The Dude “suck” (I’m inclined to agree), but it’s also got an exotic flare-which is hot.
Unfortunetly the powers that be will not allow me to embed this video, but watch and listen here.

Here is the post that started it all last January. New 4TT up next week!

The Anti-Resolution

According to random website statistics that may or may not be accurate, you will fail dismally at keeping your New Year’s Resolution, if you haven’t already.  I never really got into making resolutions, myself.  It is in that vein that I decided on this week’s Testimony; The Anti-Resolution.  Here are the four songs I chose to help you quit feeling like a failure.

1. Big Girl (You Are Beautiful), Mika

Wanting to lose weight has got to be one of the most common  New Year’s Resolutions made.  To the contrary, “Big Girl” celebrates the more Rubenesque figure.  Beyond it’s pro-curves anthem, it’s a super-catchy song that is really hard to sit still to.  And as far as I’m concerned you can’t go wrong with a big gospel-like choir backing you up.  So don’t tear yourself up this year when you accidentaly eat that whole bag of whatever it is you ate a whole bag of.  Just remember this part from the song;  “diet coke and a pizza, please,” because even the experts will tell you that moderation is the very best way to achieve long-term success.

2. Cigarettes and Coffee, Otis Redding

OK, that voice.  Otis Redding makes me want to smoke a cigarette in way that I haven’t since approximately one hour after I quit two and a half years ago.  Anyone who has quit smoking (or tried to) knows what that feels like.   That aside, this is one of the best love songs out there.  Remember that time you were so in love and you stayed up all night just talking?  It’s that great, isn’t it.  The tension in Otis’ voice, coupled with beautifully simple lyrics is magic.   

3. Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar), The Doors

The weekend is right around the corner, at which time you may stray from your resolution to drink less.  If you fall off the wagon, stumble into a cab and live it up.  This song is creepy and cool, and sounds just like the sway you get when you are drunk enough to tell everyone, with a slur, that you can walk fine all by yourself, thank you verrry-musch. 

4. Big Pimpin’, Jay-Z

“Big pimpin’, spending that cheese.”  That and the yacht in the video say it all.  If instead of saving more for a rainy day, you made it rain, then this song is for you.  It’s also for you if you were wanting to use your pimp hand a little less in 2011, but that’s a whole other resolution.  There is a part of me as a woman that has a hard time getting behind songs that are so disrespectful to my fellow ladies (fellow ladies?  That’s weird.), but there is the bigger part of me that loves this song, and plays it really loud while driving around town in my Dodge Magnum.  Now I just need to get some B.L.A.D.’s for it.  Side note: I initially thought the lyric from the chorus was “Big pimpin’ on B.L.A.P.’s,” which lead me to the entry for “blap” on urbandictionary.com.  It’s pretty funny, you may want to check it out.

Before we get into this week’s Testimony, I want to extend a sincere thank you to all of the Tracksters out there.  I write 4TT because I love to do it, but it is reassuring that there are a few of you out there that enjoy reading/listening as well.  It’s been a full year of Testimonies with some exciting highlights along the way, including a radio appearance and actual communication with musicians I’ve featured.  I even got my first celebrity fan!  So again, thank you for supporting my humble little blog.  I promise to continue bringing you 4TT’s of only the highest caliber in 2012.

I have fallen in love with my new tambourine.  I’ve been slightly obsessed with tambourines for a while now, a fire that has only been fueled by the Soul music revival.  The thing is, once you start listening for it, tambourines are everywhere.  I’ve taken to playing along with my stereo, much to the annoyance of my dog Devo, and I assume my neighbor who works from home.  Here is a diverse selection of what the much-underrated tambourine is capable of.

Valleri, The Monkees (1968)

As a little kid, maybe 6 or 7, I used to watch re-runs of The Monkees on t.v.  Thing is, I didn’t know they were  re-runs.  I thought they were just as current as Cyndi Lauper.  I had a number of their albums and developed a crush on Peter Tork.  It was a painful awakening to find out that they were 20 years past their prime.  Now that I have healed from that scar I am free to simply enjoy the finesse with which Davy plays my new favorite instrument.

Tuning Up ($10,000 Pyramid Theme), Ken Aldin (1973)

Game show theme songs from the 70′s, in general, are pretty awesome, this being the pinnacle.  The tambourine features prominently in this one, perfectly enmeshed in a tapestry of funky brass.

Sinister Kid, The Black Keys (2010)

Let’s get a little rock with this shall we?  Here is the darker side of tambourines.  The Black Keys create a heavy simple sound without a whole lot of instruments, not unlike the White Stripes.  ”Sinister Kid” is gritty and hard.  I dig every second of this song.

MoneyGrabber, Fitz and the Tantrums (2010)

Finally, someone to take over the reigns of Tambourine Queen from Stevie Nicks.  Noelle Scaggs of Fitz and the Tantrums has the crazy-awesome moves that have me extra excited to play the tambourine.  She hits her tambourine for a full 90 minutes on stage too, it’s pretty fantastic to watch.  Check these guys out if you have the opportunity.

I am really excited about today’s Testimony!  Let’s begin with the fact that it is the inagural Four Track Guestimony.  All four songs today are brought to you by very special guest, Larkin Novak.  Larkin is my partner in crime at most rock shows.  Together we have braved deserts, mosh pits and memory lapses, all in search of the perfect musical experience.

Larkin’s quirky musical sense and love of Christmas made asking her to do this Guestimony a no-brainer, and she has put together a list of 4 fabulous songs.  I hadn’t heard even one of these songs before, and I love them all.  Now, for your enjoyment, the first ever Four Track Guestimony: Larkin Novak’s Holiday Favorites!

Christmas Time is Coming (A Street Carol), Henry Farag/Stormy Weather (1980)

LN: My favorite track from my favorite Christmas tradition “A John Waters Christmas.” This song is beautiful and soulful. It somehow evokes a feeling of joy and sadness at the same time. Just like Christmas Day!

 4TT: When you can sing a capella like that, there’s no need for instruments.   And like Larkin said, “A John Water’s Christmas” is worth a listen.  It’s full of nostalgic and slightly askew carols.

Ring Those Christmas Bells, Fred Waring and his Pennsylvanians (1957)

LN: The soundscape in this song is incredible. I feel like I’ve been transported to Christmas time in 1888, or some shit.

4TT: I feel as if Turner Classic Movies is on in the background.  Dandy gentlemen walking around escorting ladies down the street, caroling all the while.  I might be revealing too much here, but this is the kind of song that is great for putting on socks and “ice skating” on wood or tile floors.  A very theatrical soundscape indeed! 

At the Christmas Ball, Bessie Smith (1925)

LN: It’s Bessie Smith… singing about Christmas. I mean, what more does one need?

4TT: Larkin is my go-to person for jazz, female vocalists in particular.  There aren’t too many non-traditional Christmas carols that I can get into, but “At the Christmas Ball” is a song that’s going to class up every holiday playlist.  I like that this is a really good song, not just some forced piece of crap put out just so some pop star can sell a million Christmas albums.  Times have changed, man.

I Am Santa Claus, Bob Rivers (1993)

LN: Who doesn’t love a good parody song? This is sentimental to me because it’s my dad’s favorite Christmas song, so whenever I hear it, I just think of him wheezing with laughter year after year every time he hears it.

4TT: I think this song is pretty epic.  I also recognize it’s power over dads.  Parody, clever rhymes and jokes about beer.  This is the trifecta of dad-humor wrapped up in lights with a star on top.

It’s been cold.  Yes, I live in southern California, but all things being relative, it’s cold.  Then there was the power outage.  That was 5 days of huddling by the fireplace “house-camping.”  I don’t care who you are, unless your permanent address is an igloo, that’s rough.  Which brings me to today’s topic: cool songs.  

Also, keep an eye out for next week’s first ever 4 track Guestimony, featuring 4 Christmas picks by Larkin Novak.  I have previewed her selections and they are 4 of the best Christmas songs you’ve (probably) never heard!

Cool It Down, The Velvet Underground (1970)

This is going to come off like a pun, but one of the things that I love about this song is that it is so chill.  This band has enjoyed a bit of a resurgence, thanks to the good folks at Urban Outfitters who sell t-shirts with their album covers, but don’t hold that against them.

Cold Brains, Beck (1998)

Mutations is one of my very favorite albums and this is one of the best tracks from it.  Beck’s brand of psychadelia can be really up-beat and fun, but I really love his darker side.   
01 Cold Brains by messner

Cool Jerk, The Capitols (1966)

Another song that exemplifies my love for tambourines and hand claps.  I let this song fall out of regular rotation after hearing it bastardized too many times in Cool Whip commercials, but it’s back in a big way.  And who doesn’t want a little bit of bass with their 88′s?  I also love singing along with the “can ya do it, can ya do it’s.”  It’s just good fun.

Cold-Hearted Snake, Paula Abdul (1988)

The very first album I ever bought was Forever Your Girl.  I was really excited to go get it.  I had saved up the money and got my mom take me to Sam Goody’s in the mall to pick it up.  When the kid working there asked if I needed help I said I was looking for “Paula Abdul’s current album” (I was (am?) a dork).  He rolled his eyes at me and told me “she only has one.“  At 12 years old, that sort of thing is damaging and excruciating!  What a dick, right?  I eventually recovered from the horrors of tweenage akwardness and here I am.